Behold:

This is Adventures in Film Theory. Enter, if you dare. Or turn tail and run. In either case, the stink of these adventures is already on you.

What Stars Wars Character Needs Their Own Movie?

Max Rebo of course!

These guys could jam in a way no other Star Wars band could. If they were good enough to play Jabba the Hutt’s lair, they’re good enough for a musician biography pic.

I could just see them hitting all the musician bio-pic notes.

Max Rebo, an Ortalan tried and true, grows up poor in Springberry, Orta, the Ortalan home planet.

During a deadly bobbing-for-songbird incident, Max Rebo accidentally drowns his more talented younger brother.

As a result, Max Rebo goes blind. But get this, his blindness allows him to hear the notes of the Ortalan keyboard in a way no player has before.

Max earns a living playing religious music in the temples of Ortalan worship, which are scandalized when he uses the tempos, melodies, and rhythms for a more popular, interplanetary style of music.

He is ostracized, but records a hit song.

Young and hungry, he has the world at his feet. He goes through a destructive, ego-driven moment of sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

And then he is redeemed by a beautiful woman. Her name is Sly Snootles, a Pa’lowick beauty with a song as soft as satin, legs that go all the way up, and a snout that rivals a trumpet.

At long last he writes his most definitive song, and dies fulfilled, having reached a far greater depth of spirituality, complexity, and understanding of the alien condition. He is a wise, old man.

Light years (and a galaxy) far, far away from the young pop star he once was.

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